DIRTY ROCKER: A Rock Star Romance Read online

  “She sure is,” Pierce winked and I wanted to swat him for the sexual innuendo.

  Phoenix kissed and hugged me. “You’ve done a great job with the bad boy,” she said, and I could tell that she meant it. She handed me a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. “Just a little something to say thank you for having us over.”

  “Aw, thanks, you remembered.” I smiled. When we’d been on tour in Europe, she’d pig out on the candies with Camila and me while we hung around filling time between the sound checks and the start of the shows.

  The four of us trooped through to the poolside. “Sorry. Can’t offer you any alcohol.” Pierce shrugged. “This is a dry house. But Hayley and I made a jug of Virgin Margaritas earlier.”

  Phoenix’s green eyes glowed. “That would be perfect.” She paused, caught her lip between her teeth. “Axel and I have an announcement.” She glanced at him, seeking his approval.

  He bounced on his toes. “Phoenix is three months’ pregnant,” he came right out with it. “We couldn’t be happier.”

  “Congratulations,” Pierce and I chorused.

  I hoped the frisson of jealousy that quivered through me wasn’t obvious. Although I’d tried to push the thought to the back of my mind as the years had gone by, having a baby would be impossible for someone like me.

  After more hugging and kissing, we sat sipping our mocktails, discussing the practicalities of touring for Phoenix. “It works out great.” She tucked a strand of long blond hair behind her ear. “We’ll be headed home when I’m at the five months stage.”

  “What about check-ups?” I asked.

  Axel grinned. “Not a problem. There are awesome private maternity hospitals in all the cities where we’ll be playing. We’ll arrange in advance for Phoenix to have her prenatal appointments there.”

  “Cool,” I said. “I’m so happy for you both.” And I was. I put my stupid jealousy to one side and finished my drink. “I’ll just go and get the salads from the kitchen.”

  “Let me help you.” Phoenix said, pushing herself to her feet.

  I thanked her and we headed back inside while Pierce and Axel got on with grilling burgers, chicken drumsticks and hot dogs.

  She lifted the bowl of potato salad and turned to me. “Do you remember when we were in Italy two years ago, and you told me how you’d gotten yourself a new credit card to buy Italian designer fashion?”

  It was right after our homecoming from Europe that Dad had needed to go into care. Although he was sick, he’d coped on his own before then. I persuaded him not to sell the house where I’d grown up —it was my base when I wasn’t touring with ChiMera—offering to supplement his pension to pay the nursing costs instead. He’d agreed that it had made sense… he wanted to keep the house so that he could pass it on to me. Helping him meant that the days were long gone since I maxed my cards buying clothes.

  “Yeah,” I said to Phoenix. “Camila and I had fun hitting those stores.”

  Those were good times…

  I picked up the tomatoes and a fresh green salad, and Phoenix followed me back outside.

  The four of us sat around the table on the decking. I’d hung out a lot with Phoenix and Axel while working for them, but this was a first for me to be hanging out with them as a couple. Despite their celebrity status, they were good people and immediately put me at ease.

  We talked about the upcoming tour to New Zealand, Australia and the Far East, about Rhys and Zach’s return from the UK next week. As usual before setting off for a tour, they would play a gig at the Roxy in West Hollywood to make sure they were at the top of their game.

  A knot formed in my belly as the realization dawned on me…the bubble in which Pierce and I had been living the past several weeks would burst soon, and the temptation which had led to his downfall would be raising its ugly head. How would Pierce cope with the stress of touring without the crutch of booze? And there would be a whole new world of adoring fangirls throwing themselves at him. The knot in my belly grew tighter. Without a doubt he’d then lose interest in ‘helping’ me, and I’d be wise not to let him start. I took in a deep breath. Maybe if I kept silent on the matter, he wouldn’t press me for a response?

  I couldn’t have been more wrong. After we’d finished eating, Phoenix said that pregnancy was making her feel tired, so she and Axel went home for an early night.

  “Think I’ll go up now,” I said to Pierce when we’d loaded the dishwasher.

  “Have you thought about my proposal, Yankee Girl?” He leaned against the kitchen doorjamb.

  “Yeah,” I admitted, on the point of telling him that I’d decided against it.

  The chime of my cellphone interrupted my speech.

  I stared at the caller ID.

  The nursing home.

  Why the hell are they calling at this time of the night?

  My heart skittered, and I pressed the green icon.

  “Miss Wilson?”

  “Yes.” I scraped shaky fingers down my legs.

  “Jenna Carmichael here, your Dad’s nurse.”

  A cold empty feeling invaded the pit of my stomach. “Is anything wrong?”

  There was an ominous silence. Jenna cleared her throat. “There isn’t an easy way to say this. I’m so sorry.” Her voice was kind. “I went to check on your father a short time ago, and… and I found that he had passed away.”

  I felt the blood drain from my upper body.

  I never got to say goodbye…

  My knees crumpled.

  I slipped to the floor, the phone falling from my hand.

  “I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Pierce was cradling me in his arms, rocking me against him. “You don’t need to say anything…I can guess what’s gone down.”

  He picked up my cell, spoke to Jenna. I couldn’t make out what he was saying I was screaming so loud in my head.

  Chapter 12

  Pierce

  I held Yankee Girl with one arm while I spoke to Jenna, Rick’s nurse. “I visited with Hayley yesterday,” I said. “I’ll bring her to you first thing tomorrow.”

  Yankee Girl grabbed my hand. “I’d like to see my dad now.”

  “Change of plan,” I informed the nurse. “We’ll be with you in about half an hour.”

  “Please tell Hayley her father passed peacefully in his sleep.” Jenna’s tone was sympathetic, and I conveyed the information to Yankee Girl after disconnecting the call.

  “I wish I’d been with him.” Tears streamed down her heart-shaped face. “It’s killing me that he died alone.”

  “I’m so sorry, love.” I carried on rocking her against me. “It sucks.”

  “I always knew his illness was terminal, but he seemed stable…”

  “Maybe it wasn’t Alzheimer’s that took him?” I looked her in the eye, my gut panging with sympathy for her. “We’ll find out more when we get to the home.”

  “I just remembered Joe has the night off,” she murmured. “I can take a cab.”

  “No way.” I shook my head. “I’ll drive you there.”

  I helped her to her feet and went to fetch my keys while she freshened up. Joe had taken the Audi—it was a perk of the job that he could use it when he had time off—but I kept my Classic Porsche 911 in the basement garage. As soon as Hayley came back downstairs, I grabbed my ball cap and shades, and then we set off.

  Yankee Girl wiped fresh tears from her cheeks. “Dad didn’t deserve to pass so young.” Her voice was small and so incredibly sad. “He is, I mean he was, only seventy. He could have lived at least another ten years.”

  I held her hand in mine while I drove, only removing it as we rolled to a stop in front of the low-slung building. The hour was late—nearly eleven—and only one person manned the reception.

  Hayley gave her name, her breath catching on another sob. Rick’s nurse came right out from a door behind the desk. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” She enfolded her in a warm embrace. “Come with me.”

  “Oh Dad,” Yankee Girl wailed as we
stepped into Rick’s room. With no hesitation, she went to him, smoothed the thin white hair back from his forehead, kissed his brow. “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you.”

  I stood back, not wanting to intrude on her grief. Pain balled at the back of my throat as I remembered the greatest man I’d ever known.

  The man who was more of a father to me than my own sorry excuse for a dad.

  The man who guided me after I’d taken the wrong path in life.

  The man lying in a pool of blood with a knife in his chest.

  All my fucking fault, and I’d carry the guilt for the rest of my miserable fucking days.

  I gave myself a shake. Focus on Hayley. Don’t dwell on the past. I went up to her.

  “Can you tell me what happened to cause this?” she asked Jenna, who’d been standing to one side.

  “Given that he looks so peaceful, I think his heart might have stopped.” She stepped forward and touched her hand to Hayley’s. “We’ll know more after the autopsy.”

  Yankee Girl kissed her dad again, her tears bathing his deathly pale cheeks. “I hope you’re with Mom,” she said, smoothing the sheet pulled up to his chin.

  I put my arm around her, and she melded into my side. “Do you wanna go home now, sweetheart?” I inquired.

  “You can return in the morning to complete the paperwork, if you like,” Jenna added.

  “Thanks,” Hayley sighed.

  I caught the nurse staring at me, and I shot her a quick look. If she asked for a selfie, I’d say, ‘no’. This wasn’t the time or the place.

  She nodded, indicating she’d gotten the message. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.

  I stepped on the gas as we headed up to the Hills, and soon we were back at the house. Yankee Girl wrapped her arms around her petite body all the way, shutting down any attempt I made to start a conversation. She was so small and her circumstances so tragic that I felt an overwhelming desire to take care of her.

  Bloody unexpected. Never felt like that about a woman before. Sobriety must have come with a personality transplant.

  I turned and faced her after unlocking the front door. “Would you like a cup of hot cocoa before we go up to bed?”

  I’d have liked to have offered her something stronger. Something to anaesthetize the pain.

  She sniffed and wiped at her nose. “No thanks. I don’t think I could stomach it.”

  I took in a deep breath. “Well, I guess it’s good night then.”

  “Good night, Pierce. Thank you for driving me down to the home and for being there for me.” Her bottom lip trembled. “I appreciate it.”

  “Hey,” I gazed into her amber-colored eyes. “I’m your mate. Remember I said I always help my mates?”

  A sad smile brushed her lips. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  I stopped outside my bedroom door and watched Yankee Girl make her way down the corridor. She turned and lifted her hand before going into her room.

  The sudden urge for a drink took hold of me. If there’d been any alcohol in the house, I’d have succumbed. No doubt about it. What had gone down with Hayley’s dad had brought everything flooding back.

  Police sirens screaming.

  The wail of the ambulance.

  Strong arms restraining me.

  With a groan, I spun on my heel, entered my ensuite and cleaned my teeth. My face stared back at me in the mirror, eyes haunted. I wanted to forget. Needed to forget. Playing the guitar would distract me. Maybe. I returned to my room, picked up my Taylor Acoustic, sat on a chair by the window, and launched into a riff I’d written.

  I’m ugly on the inside

  So bad you’ll wanna hide

  And forget you ever knew me

  It makes me wanna cry

  That everybody dies

  And Heaven is filled with has-beens.

  I got to the end of the song not feeling any better. My drum kit was down in the basement music room. I wouldn’t disturb Hayley if I thrashed the skins.

  On impulse, I decided to listen outside her bedroom. Just to check she was okay. Which is what I did.

  Heart wrenching sobs greeted me. Oh, shit. Poor, sweet baby. Without hesitating, I pushed open the door.

  “Hayley?” I paced across the floor to her bed. “Are you okay?” Stupid question. Obviously, she wasn’t.

  “I can’t sleep.” She sat up and switched on the nightstand light. “There are so many thoughts going round and round in my head.”

  I gazed at her tearful face and my heart bled for her. The mattress dipped as I lowered myself and enfolded her in my arms. I kissed her forehead. “Do you want me to call Phoenix and Camila? They’re your besties, aren’t they?”

  “Maybe tomorrow…” She broke down into tears, and I held her close while she cried out her grief. “I’m sorry,” she hiccoughed. “You must think I’m such a dumbass.”

  I lifted her chin. “I don’t think anything like that. I think you’re being really brave.”

  “You do?”

  I nodded. “I lost someone close to me when I was younger.”

  “It’s comforting you know how I’m feeling. I’m so sorry for your loss,” she whispered.

  “Likewise.” I glanced down at her, caught her staring up at me. “Don’t ask me any questions, please. I’ll tell you everything, one day. Just not today.”

  She hesitated for a beat. “Okay.” Then she changed the subject. “I’ll need to make some phone calls. Tell Dad’s sis, my auntie in Oregon, that he’s passed. Then I’ll have to organize a funeral,” she choked out the words.

  “I’ll help you with the arrangements.” I stroked her arm. “You’re not alone.”

  “That’s so sweet of you.” She breathed out a sigh. “You’re a good friend.”

  “That’s me,” I barked out a self-mocking laugh.

  She fixed me in her gaze. “Aren’t you tired? Don’t you wanna go back to bed?”

  “I couldn’t sleep either. Was headed down to the music room.”

  “I’ll be fine, if that’s what you wanna do.” Her mouth quirked.

  “Nah. I’d rather stay here with you.”

  She squirmed from my hold. “Why?”

  “Because we’re mates.”

  She pulled in a deep breath. “As long as you remember you don’t get to be my sex therapist…”

  I couldn’t help reaching for her. “Come here, love. Let me hold you. You have my word I’ll be good.”

  She did as I asked and I held her close. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of her warm body against mine. I’d wait. Bide my time. This girl. This amazing girl was worth waiting for. I so wanted to help her. I’d find a solution to her problem. I’m fucking determined.

  Chapter 13

  Hayley

  A week after Dad died, I was at the Roxy, putting on Pierce’s stage makeup in his dressing room. His eyes met mine in the mirror. “You okay, sweetheart?” In his London accent, the word sounded like ‘swee’ah,’ and it sent a quiver through me.

  “I’m fine,” I said. My throat felt scratchy, but I wouldn’t cry. Not here. Not now. I’d save my tears for later when Pierce would kiss them away. He’d been amazing, so supportive, and I didn’t know how I’d have coped without him.

  The morning after Dad had died, Pierce called Phoenix, Camila and Jake. They came right over. Jake asked me if I wanted time off, but I declined. The thought of going back to my empty house was too much to bear. Phoenix and Camila took charge of Pierce’s kitchen, Phoenix baking pineapple upside down cakes—she said her pregnancy was making her crave them—and Camila, who’d recently gotten back from visiting with her sister in Italy, made us pasta dishes which had Pierce practically licking his plate. Grief had taken my appetite, though, and my sunken cheeks, reflected in the dressing room mirror, were a testimony to the fact that I’d lost weight.

  My chest ached as I remembered Dad’s funeral, which we’d held two days ago after the autopsy had confirmed that he had, indeed, died of heart failure. All his ol
d buddies from the Fire Department, where he’d served for forty years, were there. And my auntie and cousins had come down from Portland. They asked me to go back with them, so that we could mourn together. I wasn’t even a little tempted. I’d not seen much of them over the years and considered ChiMera more like family.

  I stared down at my hands while I spread foundation on Pierce’s stubbled cheeks, and my breath caught on a sigh. I’d been mourning Dad for the past two years, ever since he’d gotten sick and I knew he wouldn’t recover...I’d learned to live with the pain.

  I inhaled deeply and put the finishing touches to Pierce’s eyes. Dark blue shadow. Waterproof black mascara. He had lashes to die for…they barely needed my help. I’d styled his wavy hair already, and it hung long and dark over his tattooed shoulders. He never wore a shirt on stage, unlike Axel who started the act wearing his before ripping it off and throwing it into the audience.

  I put on a courageous smile, and said to Pierce, “You’re good to go, buddy. It’s showtime.”

  He levered himself to his feet, towering over me. “Give us a kiss for luck,” he smirked.

  “No way, José.” I swatted his arm. “Someone might see.”

  The disappointment in his expression almost broke my resolve. Against my better judgement, Pierce had been sleeping in my double bed this past week, and I’d let him kiss me more than once…way more than once. The first time it had happened was when he was consoling me after I’d broken down sobbing for Dad. But, after that, we’d kiss every night until our lips were swollen, panting into each other’s mouth, and always stopping before things got out of hand. I didn’t know if Pierce had a ploy to get me to trust him and give him more access to my body down the line—I wouldn’t put it past him—but at least I knew he could be a gentleman. When it suited him.

  He slung his trademark chains and amulets around his neck. “I’ll see you after our set,” he said. “We can watch Phoenix and Vanilla Sky before we have to party.”

  “Sure.” I waved him off, drew my brows together. The after-show event in the private upstairs club might test his resolve and my ability to steer him clear of booze. I picked up my tools of the trade and started putting them away in my makeup box.